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The Banter Thread / Banter Topic / Sean Bean
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Originally posted by spagmasterswifthttp://forum.myspace.com/index.cfm?f...9A9C47F5750192
Hope that link works
This is how the Japanese get down with spray paint!!
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Originally posted by spagmasterswifthttp://forum.myspace.com/index.cfm?f...9A9C47F5750192
Hope that link works
This is how the Japanese get down with spray paint!!wish i had that kind of skill.
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An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy
kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this
to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and
distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit
steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and
tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I
can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take
charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of
her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a
townhouse, a beachfront villa and a ?2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a ?4,000,000
bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and ?2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You shag her again."
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Two ladies talking in heaven:
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I Froze to Death.
2nd woman: How Horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold,
I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What
about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my
husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in
the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere
that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the
attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through
every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until
I had looked everywhere,and finally I became so exhausted that I
just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer --- we'd both
still be alive.
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Sleep broken by lots of commotion going on outside of my flat, got up and saw a bloke arguing and hitting a woman opposite, opened the window and shouted 'oi cops are on the way' to which he told me 'i dont give a ****' and to 'come down' and so on. He pisses off in his car, she goes inside and he comes back again 10 mins later. Forced his way in, could see them arguing again, and eventually he left. Just after that the cops arrive (I didnt phone them), 3 cars and an ambulance. Think she is ok as she let them in, but the ambulance has been there for ages. I dont know the girl or anything, I saw the guy kicking a neighbours van so Ill have a look at that in the morning and let him know.
Wide awake now :/
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Does anyone here work in T-Mobile in Hatfield business park? Was there today, and can honestly say that (city excluded) Ive never seen so many gorgeous women in one place at one time as in the 30 mins or so I spent there. I have to get employed there somehow, its ridiculous. Its the sort of workplace that Carlesberg would make up.
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A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanised when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives . . . "
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex?"
"I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."
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