Little Things that Irk You: Episode V

[speedlolita]

Ah, the Pikmin thing makes the most sense. Kewl.

[kryss]

I was thinking Pirate + Kate = Pikate.

Women might want the fairytale princess wedding Kryss but we don't really care about it, it's the love and significance of it that's important.

I think guys sometimes obsess over the archaic "provider" role and forget you only need to be an equal, all women want is for you to give what you get, be one half of a whole and really just be there. it sounds like you care for her though and think she's deserves the best. The fact you think that tells me she's not better off without you.

Just chill, don't obsess and end up self-sabotaging if this woman is something good in your life.

I'm just trying to be lazy and not work while doing my education degree. I've given up on that idea now and realise I'll be working where I am for another 3+ years. What really takes the cake is that I found out how much the overnight bellman makes, and it's $1.60/hour less than me. Now take into account (i) he spends between 1~4 hours a night sleeping, (ii) the daytime guys all put 10% of their tips aside for him as he can't get much. So not only does he work less than me, but even on a bad night he MAKES MORE.

*sigh*

As for the provider role, my uncle quit work when he and my aunt had their second child so he was the stay at home dad. He was actually the major male role model in my life so I've grown up hoping at some point I can either work from home or send the wifey to work so I can raise the kids. Atsuko is still in that traditional Japanese housewife mindstate where I go to work and she stays home. I'm honestly fine with it either way, I don't need to prove my manhood to myself (that way at least, some mad Street Fighter/Smash Bros skillz would be nice though), but she is already saying that she'll only work part time here (which is probably likely, but not they way she should be thinking).

[speedlolita]

See, all this stuff is why I'm happy being single... lol

[kryss]

Money and time are my problems, not my gf or our relationship. But those things do add a strain.

[speedlolita]

Oh for sure, my ex, currently 22 is getting married soon and buying her first house! Couldn't keep up with that pace myself, almost had a heart attack when she thought she might be pregnant. Especially when you consider the precautions I always took.

[Decider-VT]

My memory is terrible.

[randombs]

Pikate: that's reprehensible. If you go ahead with the birth, at least the baby will have a brilliant, caring mother, based on how you look after your Wii-U games

kryss: sorry to hear that. Are you still planning on coming here to get married? And if you do that, she'll still have to wait 26 months to get permanent residency? But she'll have a spouse visa for Canada, yeah?

My gf's company's HQ is in London and they said a transfer could be possible so she has that. Unfortunately my company which I love has their UK office near Manchester so transfer is out for me. Shame as I love working for them. I might consider asking if they'd take me on as a remote worker. All our Kansai sales staff work from home, for example.

[Pikate]

Thanks for the kind words, it's all very stupid and embarrassing really since he's a consultant at the same hospital and our relationship/pregnancy wasn't a secret so now it's blown up in his face (wife lived/worked in London, he'd been saying he worked there two days a week as a consultant but his wife had to give up work due to ill health) so yeah, he's handed in his notice and I've been placed on compassionate leave until he goes (I actually don't mind him being there since we didn't work in the same department and I'm a professional/going to have face him eventually but I'd rather let the gossip pass).

Mostly I just feel like a fool (hence me gaming more and posting a lot on here recently while I'm avoiding family and friends) but I'm financially very secure (homeowner, some saving, supportive parents) and I work at a children's hospital (paediatric A&E) so I've spent a lot of time with kids and am confident I can handle it even if it's a bit of a kicker to my career plans and disappointing I don't have the whole husband/love cliche for it.

[briareos_kerensky]

Was almost done with a nice writeup for Natsuiro High School, and then Firefox crashes.

[kryss]

Oh for sure, my ex, currently 22 is getting married soon and buying her first house! Couldn't keep up with that pace myself, almost had a heart attack when she thought she might be pregnant. Especially when you consider the precautions I always took.

Had a pregnancy "scare" with my gf when I was 19. Didn't actually phase me as (since seeing my cousins grow up with my uncle) I've always been looking forward to have kids of my own. One of the final blows to my first marriage after 5 years together and me being very clear from the start that I wanted to have kids, was my ex deciding "suddenly" she didn't. I mean, I only moved to another country with her after all. I chose to do that, I'm not bitter about it, good things happened for me here.

kryss: sorry to hear that. Are you still planning on coming here to get married? And if you do that, she'll still have to wait 26 months to get permanent residency? But she'll have a spouse visa for Canada, yeah?

Oh yeah, still getting married next year, just changing plans about working while going to school and how I'm spending my savings.
We plan to go back to Japan after I get some teaching experience here, but it depends on when I find a position in Japan I think.
Getting permanent residence as a spouse takes 26 months when applying from inside Canada. They changed the rules slightly so she can at least get an open work permit after 6 weeks, but she can't leave the country during that 2 years as they can't guarantee she'd be allowed back in. Which is stupid.


I've managed 4.5 hours of sleep today due to the noise. Hopefully I can nap later on, in meantime, I have an assignment to get done.

[QualityChimp]

I can't get over what you're going through, Pikate.
So many conflicting emotions at the same time.
Best wishes to you.

[VR46]

Was almost done with a nice writeup for Natsuiro High School, and then Firefox crashes.

Anything likely to be over 100 words I write in Word then copy and paste, had my fingers burned too often with browsers.

Pikate, such a sad situation to find yourself in

[fishbowlhead]

Thanks for the kind words, it's all very stupid and embarrassing really since he's a consultant at the same hospital and our relationship/pregnancy wasn't a secret so now it's blown up in his face (wife lived/worked in London, he'd been saying he worked there two days a week as a consultant but his wife had to give up work due to ill health) so yeah, he's handed in his notice and I've been placed on compassionate leave until he goes (I actually don't mind him being there since we didn't work in the same department and I'm a professional/going to have face him eventually but I'd rather let the gossip pass).

Mostly I just feel like a fool (hence me gaming more and posting a lot on here recently while I'm avoiding family and friends) but I'm financially very secure (homeowner, some saving, supportive parents) and I work at a children's hospital (paediatric A&E) so I've spent a lot of time with kids and am confident I can handle it even if it's a bit of a kicker to my career plans and disappointing I don't have the whole husband/love cliche for it.

I suppose it will all come down to how you feel a bit further on once the drama has died a bit. Just make sure you make the right descision for you, not what others expect, though I'm sure you already realise that.

[Darwock]

Women might want the fairytale princess wedding Kryss but we don't really care about it, it's the love and significance of it that's important.

I think guys sometimes obsess over the archaic "provider" role and forget you only need to be an equal, all women want is for you to give what you get, be one half of a whole and really just be there.

Kryss's gf is Japanese, and as such there is a 90% chance none of this is applicable. British women =/= Japanese women.

[Pikate]

Kryss's gf is Japanese, and as such there is a 90% chance none of this is applicable. British women =/= Japanese women.

I doubt that's true, my friend Toshi is Japanese born/bred and both his sisters are fiercely independent from the tales he tells. You could throw out the same sterotype of British Muslim women yet it's rarely true infact my best friend is very successful and the breadwinner in her home despite coming from a community/family so traditional she was kidnapped and held for 3 weeks by her father/brothers before her wedding to a fellow muslim just because they disapproved his parents came from Bangledsh while hers Pakistan.

I think what you mean is Japanese men still like to look down on modern Japanese women more so than western men get away with today and have them assume subordinate roles. Given the opportunity I think you'll find most women the world over like to be treated as and seen as an equal, in some parts of the world they may not be given the education or opportunities to do that but Japan isn't one of them. There was actually an article in the Economist just the other week about how women are proving to be massively more employable at lower-mid runs of the job ladder and working/lower-middle class women throughout the developed world struggle to find employed men compared to 50 years ago.

Trust me, outside of Essex, reality TV stars and archaic stereotypes your average modern woman no more expects to have their future fully provided for by a man than you seriously expect to go out and be taken home, ravaged and bought a Patek Philippe and Porsche by some cougar who looks like Michelle Pfeiffer.