The Relationship Thread-Good, Bad or Indifferent.

[dataDave]

Just get her back doors smashed in.

[dvdx2]

Sheeit, been going so well but hit a snag over the last few days. Awesome lass I've known for a year asks for MY number in December, texts me every day before changing her contract so she gets INFINITE MINUTES so she can talk to me anytime. She's deffo got heavy feelings for me cos we've spoken lots, and very deeply, but she has these off moments where she dumps me in the friend zone, and freezes me out. It's probably because her last relationship ended about 6 months back, her fella dumped her for a job and told her not to bother going with him(!), I guess she's still sore n' vulnerable over that. Christ, she's marriage material, we get on awesome!

So, she froze me out since Tuesday (I only get to see her at work if I'm on weekends), stopped answering my texts (all after a solid month of total comms!) and it kinda hurt the ol' heart a tad. Ended up ringing her whilst super-high n' boozy last nite and leaving some embarrassing slurred messages on her answerphone. End of? Nah, my texts to birds are aces...f*ck me, still *supposedly* in the friend zone but now three or four "xxx"s per text and that covert flirty type of swoony lingo she uses in texts, I'm BACK!

Still, was not expecting said turbulence, she's practically been all over me like a rash, will have to take note and alter stratagem slightly should similar problems occur.

Why dont you just ask her why she is freezing you out mate? Sounds like there is an issue and if its happened once, its likely to happen again unless resolved.

[JazzFunk]

^It's OK, we talked today, it's all the stuff about the previous relationship, she got really sick and had a lot of time convalescing and he didn't look after her properly and destroyed her confidence, plus a couple of rebound dates with tossers have left her scarred and she's got to find another job and she's stressed out by her family and the last thing she really wants right now is a boyfriend. And, as I'm superhigh every night, I am a f*cking Casanova, or some Frenchman, I cannot believe how I do it, I cannot resist the Pepe Le Pew talk I mentioned in an earlier post, it REALLY works but then she makes her true feelings clear then she recoils a bit as she doesn't immediately want to get in a relationship...and I'm cool with that for now, just happy I haven't alienated her for some other reason. It's nice knowing where I sort of stand.

Oh, yeah. SUPER stoned texts to her in the early hours (been working lates) delighted her at first but now annoy cos they sometimes wake her up (ahem). Yeah, gun, foot, press trigger etc. Apolled today and she laughed but just asked me to rein it in a bit when I hit the ganj. Wrist slapped, all over me again, just learn to modify Tourettey behaviour whilst twunted. Easy peasy, but should have thought more to begin with, I'm kind of 'easy access', I don't give a **** when anyone calls/txts me, if I'm asleep they'll just have to wait til I wake up but I should have realised maybe most people aren't like that!

Just get her back doors smashed in.

Oh, it'll happen.

I'm more of a 'partner'-type person, she's definitely that too, so I'm not immediately opposed to waiting for shaggage, esp. now I've found out that XHamster is really great on the PS3. Once I lock on, that's it, if I truly want someone then I have a 100% record of getting with that person, despite me being a bespectacled, straggly-haired, shambolic kind of nonentity, and shy, to boot! Yup, I'm like a spider, except my web catches da bitchez..

[randombs]

I tell you what, you can smash my back doors in. Christ, you have a way with words

[dvdx2]

^It's OK, we talked today, it's all the stuff about the previous relationship, she got really sick and had a lot of time convalescing and he didn't look after her properly and destroyed her confidence, plus a couple of rebound dates with tossers have left her scarred and she's got to find another job and she's stressed out by her family and the last thing she really wants right now is a boyfriend. And, as I'm superhigh every night, I am a f*cking Casanova, or some Frenchman, I cannot believe how I do it, I cannot resist the Pepe Le Pew talk I mentioned in an earlier post, it REALLY works but then she makes her true feelings clear then she recoils a bit as she doesn't immediately want to get in a relationship...and I'm cool with that for now, just happy I haven't alienated her for some other reason. It's nice knowing where I sort of stand.

Oh, yeah. SUPER stoned texts to her in the early hours (been working lates) delighted her at first but now annoy cos they sometimes wake her up (ahem). Yeah, gun, foot, press trigger etc. Apolled today and she laughed but just asked me to rein it in a bit when I hit the ganj. Wrist slapped, all over me again, just learn to modify Tourettey behaviour whilst twunted. Easy peasy, but should have thought more to begin with, I'm kind of 'easy access', I don't give a **** when anyone calls/txts me, if I'm asleep they'll just have to wait til I wake up but I should have realised maybe most people aren't like th

Oh, it'll happen.

I'm more of a 'partner'-type person, she's definitely that too, so I'm not immediately opposed to waiting for shaggage, esp. now I've found out that XHamster is really great on the PS3. Once I lock on, that's it, if I truly want someone then I have a 100% record of getting with that person, despite me being a bespectacled, straggly-haired, shambolic kind of nonentity, and shy, to boot! Yup, I'm like a spider, except my web catches da bitchez..

Sounds like your having fun dude, but i think shes jerking your chain tbh. Move on and light up another doobie

[JazzFunk]

^Maybe, maybe not. I'm prepared for that eventuality, anyway, my previous relationship was pretty epic and I went in all guns blazing, emotionally, and it scarred me a lot. Yeah, six/seven years of (primarily) emotional torture from a mad, fickle bitch kind of toughens you up a LOT. This time around, I'm wary of the pitfalls, and am indeed having a little fun, but I'm still wary of relationships, tbh, though it's nice to have the attention of a propah stunnah, one who chats ME up, kind of an odd situation for me. Anyway, we're going out next week, so I will see how it goes.

By the way, dvdx, you're probably right, but I'm THAT type of guy, curiosity killed the cat n' all that, always the last one out of the pub, recklessness is imprinted on each tiny strand of DNA within me. Wish me luck, anyway mate, I'll be going kamikaze-style, probably.

I tell you what, you can smash my back doors in. Christ, you have a way with words

Hehe, cheers mate, believe me, you would not enjoy being at the mercy of The Annihilator, my meat packs some serious heat.

[dvdx2]

^Maybe, maybe not. I'm prepared for that eventuality, anyway, my previous relationship was pretty epic and I went in all guns blazing, emotionally, and it scarred me a lot. Yeah, six/seven years of (primarily) emotional torture from a mad, fickle bitch kind of toughens you up a LOT. This time around, I'm wary of the pitfalls, and am indeed having a little fun, but I'm still wary of relationships, tbh, though it's nice to have the attention of a propah stunnah, one who chats ME up, kind of an odd situation for me. Anyway, we're going out next week, so I will see how it goes.

By the way, dvdx, you're probably right, but I'm THAT type of guy, curiosity killed the cat n' all that, always the last one out of the pub, recklessness is imprinted on each tiny strand of DNA within me. Wish me luck, anyway mate, I'll be going kamikaze-style, probably.



Hehe, cheers mate, believe me, you would not enjoy being at the mercy of The Annihilator, my meat packs some serious heat.

Yep, good luck mate. Enjoy the date, step back and see how it goes

[JazzFunk]

^Cheers matey, I think I already took your advice onboard because the freezing out thing really pissed me off because it was the sort of thing my ex used to do, and it drove me to BronsonRage. I've just decided to not bother texting and bombarding her with me-style bull**** (my texts are like what I post on here) and wait 'til she texts me, if she really wants me then she'll come a-swimming, if not, then there are plenty more fish in my sea, it's weird suddenly becoming an unlikely hottie at 38, perplexing (what have I changed???), it's a first, I get lots of interest now. Bizarre.

[JazzFunk]

Ah, ****, bailed, lol.

NEXT!

[sj33]

Never thought I'd be posting in here! Slightly weird situation for me. I don't really need advice because I know what must be done, although actually doing it is another thing entirely.

I've been 'dating' a girl for quite a while now. We first started talking on Mixi (essentially like a Japanese Facebook) about a year ago, kept talking because it was fun and we had a lot in common. When I returned to Japan in September, we started talking on the phone whenever we have free time, and eventually met up. We've met up quite a few times now and it's always gone really well. We text each other all day, and some of our texts are like essays in length. We definitely get on really well.

I suppose the problem I'm having is explicitly trying to move it to the 'next level'. I still don't really like to refer to her as a 'girlfriend' or even our meetups as 'dates' because they've never explicitly been these, even if the implication is there. I guess I'm careful about assuming too much. But it definitely feels like she's as serious about things as me, and now have to try and get myself to grow some balls and ask about the relationship between us.

Things are complicated by the fact that she can't really speak English. Not really a problem in itself, my Japanese is good enough so that conversation isn't a problem (bar the occasional embarrassing misunderstanding), and she has recently started to learn English in her own time. It does make it a bit harder to pose the question though - I don't really know how to be indirect about it, so I might have to explicitly ask. She also lives in a different town - I live in Kyoto, she lives in Suzuka, and she works a lot of hours, so we only really get to see each other every two weeks or so when she comes to Kyoto (she seems to prefer that over me coming to Suzuka!). So every time I don't bring the subject up, it's another two weeks or so of worrying (I'm certainly not going to do it over the phone).

I know we've only known each other for a relatively short period of time, so I'm trying not to get too carried away. But I think we're also a bit beyond the stage of our lives where we're just looking for a bit of fun. At 27, I'm hardly old, but also a bit further on in my thinking than other students. She's 25, has been working full time for a number of years and really doesn't like her current job. I think we're both kinda looking for something to work towards.

We met the other day and I planned to talk about it in a cafe. But the cafe was really busy and I think I used that as an excuse to chicken out of it. We spoke to a long time on the bus as we were going from place to place, but also didn't want to ask about it in somewhere like a bus. Maybe I'm over-thinking things.

Next time, I just have to make sure I don't bottle it

Just to let people in on how things went, I asked her today (we met today instead of yesterday because she had work) and the answer was in the affirmative.

It was surprisingly hard to be honest because I had to do the whole thing in Japanese, but in the end I decided to just be direct. Turns out she's been feeling the same way, though I think she was a bit taken aback by me suddenly asking in a quiet cafe - I was determined not to chicken out that time though.

There's still loads of barriers and hurdles. The language is the obvious one - she's started self-studying English recently from a book, and I really appreciate it but obviously it takes time to get good at any language. I've been studying Japanese for 7 years now so I'm not that bad, good enough to have relations with somebody who can't speak English, but I definitely need to get better for the long term. And there's the fact that she lives in a different city. Not that far away, only in the next prefecture - it's not like she's out in Hokkaido or Okinawa or somewhere, but the distance coupled with her busy work schedule limits the amount of time we'll actually be able to see each other. Still, we're both ready to put the work in and deal with the potential problems, so we'll see how it goes.

Rather chuffed right now, though.

[teddymeow]

Shakeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!

Good job, fella!!

Chuffed for you.

[randombs]

I was gonna ask but wanted to wait for you to post back in here. Great news, made my Friday

As a qualified CELTA teacher, I can offer discounted English lessons.

[sj33]

After I thanked her for the valentine's chocolate, she sent me a message today informing me that she actually made the chocolates herself on the 13th to give me me. It explains why the packaging for the chocolates is valentine's-themed rather than explicitly chocolate. I guess she wanted to gauge my response before telling me.

[nakamura]

Nice one mate.

[speedlolita]

Anime has taught me that home made chocolates means she cares a whole lot.