The Relationship Thread-Good, Bad or Indifferent.

[112]

how the hell is henry the hoover goona get you over yah.............. oh......... yeah i get it now......... ewwww.............. Thats like so disgusting! Do peeps actually do that?

112

[Kevvy Metal]

Hey guys. Yeah it was true that last night I was a bit drunk when i wrote that post. I was just sitting on my own in my flat and needed someway of venting everything. Otherwise I was gonna go crazy.

I didn't really say any of the stuff i wanted to say to her. I'm SO confused. Its been two months and i really knew I was getting better. I've met loads of new people loads of new friends. Been on dates and stuff since then! and went traveling a bit. (kind of if London area counts ) was feeling SO much more confindent, Totally felt I had "found myself" again. My head was clearer than it had been in years.

Seeing her again just KILLS me. I want my old life back so much. I do think there is a bit of a chance that we could get back together, but that makes it worse. Its all in a kind of wierd Limbo. I really would have wanted to marry this girl someday

Thanks guys for all your posts of advice. and thanks for posting in the other thread of misery, as in the flat break in one.

[Chadruharazzeb]

Are you serious about all this? "Love" has so far eluded me, so all this outpouring just seems incredibly melodramatic to me. And, to be frank, you're making me damn glad to have nothing to do with the sodding L-word.

[Rossco]

Yeah I wish I had nothing to do with it, but you really just need to take a look at everything that has happened and realise that this girl doesnt want to be with you, has made you go through the hell for 2 months (like 10 months for me) and still doesnt budge with her answer so even if she does change her mind, is that the kind of person you want to love and be with, that lets you go through this pain.

She obviously doesn't care about you the way you care about her, and personally thats something that has helped me through this break up as I wouldnt want to be with someone who doesnt give a **** about me anymore.

Think of it like that mate, helped me.

I hate love to be honest, given me nothing but trouble but I fall for people so easily. It's like I have a need to be loved and have attention all the time. Dont know why...

Chad has the right idea though!

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

I just read your 1st post & the funny thing is my gf & I have been together for 5 yrs, but I also moved in with her last May. I too felt like the spark we had had dimmed in the last 2 yrs, but i think that has happened due to a different reason. I'll tell u all about it here. Its a long post, but please read it all as theres also a point to it too.

My gf has a few friends & now n then she goes out drinking with them. Its been like this since we basically got together. I'm teatotal, but I didnt mind her going out with her mates. I'm not the controlling type & I was 100% happy with that. When she was going out then I'd go over to a mates house or summat.
1 of her friends met a new bloke & so when my gf went out she'd go out with her usual friends & the blokes friends too.
My gf would tell me in the morning about her friends bf's mate & his other mate etc, & this would happen every week.
Then 1 day after i got back from work she wanted to talk about us & how she wasnt happy, did I still love her, that she wanted to know why I hadnt moved in yet, when was I going to move in, why she always had to be the 1 who instigated sex (no joke! & i know its like the scene out of Curb Your Enthusiasm) etc. She even threatened that if I didnt sleep over with her that night that she go out & find 2 blokes that would give her a real good seeing too, eventhough I was tired (& my bed was more comfy). She basically gave me an ultimatum.
I told her the truth about all of those things i.e. that i really loved her, we'd move in together soon (eventhough i was already paying some of her rent!!), & that i didnt want to be too pushy in the bedroom (I am a gentleman, not a ****in animal!!) but i would instigate it in future. I didnt want to lose her u see.
Then, on Boxing Day 2003 she decided she wanted to go out with her mates. I was working early the next day so I couldnt go out but she didnt want to spend time with me, oh no!!. While she was out I went for a walk & I got a feeling something wasnt right. Later that night I went round the back of her house (when i should have been in bed) & I saw a bloke coming down the stairs from her bedroom in her house. It was 1 of her friends bf's mates. She followed, in her pyjamas. My heart was in my mouth. It was beating like hell & I was shaking like ****. I didnt know what was going on or what to do. It looked pretty obvious from what I'd seen. I legged it round the front but the bloke had gone. I rang her doorbell (thinking that she might think it was the bloke come back).
We had a hell of a barney that night. She claimed nothing had happened they'd just talked. I was crying, she was crying. I didnt know what was going on & I didnt know what to believe. Statistics show taht women are very good at lieing to men than the other way around apparently.
From that moment on I couldnt trust her & i got obsessed with checking her phone, where she was going etc. I was never like this b4 but this is what this situation had made me become.
I wasted about 1yr & a half obsessing & in a depressed state like this. Then the obsession just died. Not fully u understand, but almost completley. We're still together & have a good time, but if she left me tomorrow I wouldnt stop her. I'd be upset but I'd move on pretty quickly because I feel that I've done a lot of grieving. If I found out that she had been ****in another bloke I'd kick her into touch just like that because thats the way I've always been in relationships, but I've got no proof.

We live together now. Have things changed? Well, yes they have. She doesnt go out as oftenI instigated sex since she asked (it was quiet for about 3 months after the incident tho!) but now that she's working full time she's too tired most of the time, or does the classic 'head ****' routine of 'yeah okay' & then changing her mind as we're about to get down to it. So I feel constantly rejected. So for the last 2 months I havent bothered & I've let her 'do the chasing' again & it seems to work. And if I dont feel like jumping in the sack when she asks I tell her now, whereas I always used to even when I fealt tired or had a headache (which usually made the headache worse afterwards!).
Things have changed but not really for the better. We live/spend more time together & its great but its still us & not some great heavenly change that has made our lives totally complete.

What I'm trying to say here is maybe us blokes shouldnt get too obsessed or caught up in the female form & 'love'. I'm sure some of what I've mentioned here has happened to some of u guys on here at some point in your life/relationships.
Its hard to work out whats going on in a womans mind. A lot of women I've known seem to want all the attention (not only in the bedroom), but only when they feel like it. So where does it end? Are we all supposed to give in everytime the threat of leaving comes into the question?. I'm not saying 'treat em' mean, keep em' keen' but if its all take & no give then maybe its time to put your foot down & see what happens.

And KEVVY METAL, if you've seen your gf & had a talk & she hasnt mentioned getting back together then its not going to happen. Its been 2 months now mate & she's made up her mind. Stay single for a bit. In some ways its better than being in a relationship because u can do what u want when u want. I'm not saying become a hermit, just put the brakes on for a while & take it easy.

[Gubbins]

I hope at the LEAST you're 35. If you're younger and denying sex, then summink's up.

[bignige]

I hope at the LEAST you're 35. If you're younger and denying sex, then summink's up.

What the hell does this mean?!!

[Wools]

Sorry to hear that Tommy, sounds an awful sitation.

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

Hey Gubbins, Actually I'm 30 but as bignige has said what the hell are you on about? I got no problems down below. And what has 35 got to do with whether u can get it up or not? And women deny men sex sometimes so why cant a man?
I'm not the 'red blooded blokey bloke' kind of man that all other men are supposed to be is it?, or maybe I'm 'queer' just because I deny sex?

B4 when I was tired, & I'm talking so tired to the point where u dont even know if you'll be able to function, let alone have sex, I still went along with it just to please her. She had a great time but I felt like ****. Sometimes I'd lie in bed all night with a pounding headache, therefore not getting any kip & feeling even more exhausted. This made me depressed sometimes to the point where I fealt like killing myself, just because I couldnt say 'no!'. And not because I couldnt help what my dick wanted to do, but because I thought I was going to hurt her feelings or get the 'I'll go & find someone else to have sex with' threat. But she's allowed to say no tho isnt she. And as I mentioned sometimes she even ****s with my head by saying yes & then changing her mind. Now if I'm tired I say no. Sometimes I'm not so tired but I might say no anyway.

Some of us men dont all think with out dick. It's called restraint. Maybe you should try it every now n then Gubbins.

[JU!]

I just read your 1st post & the funny thing is my gf & I have been together for 5 yrs, but I also moved in with her last May. I too felt like the spark we had had dimmed in the last 2 yrs, but i think that has happened due to a different reason. I'll tell u all about it here. Its a long post, but please read it all as theres also a point to it too.

My gf has a few friends & now n then she goes out drinking with them. Its been like this since we basically got together. I'm teatotal, but I didnt mind her going out with her mates. I'm not the controlling type & I was 100% happy with that. When she was going out then I'd go over to a mates house or summat.
1 of her friends met a new bloke & so when my gf went out she'd go out with her usual friends & the blokes friends too.
My gf would tell me in the morning about her friends bf's mate & his other mate etc, & this would happen every week.
Then 1 day after i got back from work she wanted to talk about us & how she wasnt happy, did I still love her, that she wanted to know why I hadnt moved in yet, when was I going to move in, why she always had to be the 1 who instigated sex (no joke! & i know its like the scene out of Curb Your Enthusiasm) etc. She even threatened that if I didnt sleep over with her that night that she go out & find 2 blokes that would give her a real good seeing too, eventhough I was tired (& my bed was more comfy). She basically gave me an ultimatum.
I told her the truth about all of those things i.e. that i really loved her, we'd move in together soon (eventhough i was already paying some of her rent!!), & that i didnt want to be too pushy in the bedroom (I am a gentleman, not a ****in animal!!) but i would instigate it in future. I didnt want to lose her u see.
Then, on Boxing Day 2003 she decided she wanted to go out with her mates. I was working early the next day so I couldnt go out but she didnt want to spend time with me, oh no!!. While she was out I went for a walk & I got a feeling something wasnt right. Later that night I went round the back of her house (when i should have been in bed) & I saw a bloke coming down the stairs from her bedroom in her house. It was 1 of her friends bf's mates. She followed, in her pyjamas. My heart was in my mouth. It was beating like hell & I was shaking like ****. I didnt know what was going on or what to do. It looked pretty obvious from what I'd seen. I legged it round the front but the bloke had gone. I rang her doorbell (thinking that she might think it was the bloke come back).
We had a hell of a barney that night. She claimed nothing had happened they'd just talked. I was crying, she was crying. I didnt know what was going on & I didnt know what to believe. Statistics show taht women are very good at lieing to men than the other way around apparently.
From that moment on I couldnt trust her & i got obsessed with checking her phone, where she was going etc. I was never like this b4 but this is what this situation had made me become.
I wasted about 1yr & a half obsessing & in a depressed state like this. Then the obsession just died. Not fully u understand, but almost completley. We're still together & have a good time, but if she left me tomorrow I wouldnt stop her. I'd be upset but I'd move on pretty quickly because I feel that I've done a lot of grieving. If I found out that she had been ****in another bloke I'd kick her into touch just like that because thats the way I've always been in relationships, but I've got no proof.

We live together now. Have things changed? Well, yes they have. She doesnt go out as oftenI instigated sex since she asked (it was quiet for about 3 months after the incident tho!) but now that she's working full time she's too tired most of the time, or does the classic 'head ****' routine of 'yeah okay' & then changing her mind as we're about to get down to it. So I feel constantly rejected. So for the last 2 months I havent bothered & I've let her 'do the chasing' again & it seems to work. And if I dont feel like jumping in the sack when she asks I tell her now, whereas I always used to even when I fealt tired or had a headache (which usually made the headache worse afterwards!).
Things have changed but not really for the better. We live/spend more time together & its great but its still us & not some great heavenly change that has made our lives totally complete.

What I'm trying to say here is maybe us blokes shouldnt get too obsessed or caught up in the female form & 'love'. I'm sure some of what I've mentioned here has happened to some of u guys on here at some point in your life/relationships.
Its hard to work out whats going on in a womans mind. A lot of women I've known seem to want all the attention (not only in the bedroom), but only when they feel like it. So where does it end? Are we all supposed to give in everytime the threat of leaving comes into the question?. I'm not saying 'treat em' mean, keep em' keen' but if its all take & no give then maybe its time to put your foot down & see what happens.

And KEVVY METAL, if you've seen your gf & had a talk & she hasnt mentioned getting back together then its not going to happen. Its been 2 months now mate & she's made up her mind. Stay single for a bit. In some ways its better than being in a relationship because u can do what u want when u want. I'm not saying become a hermit, just put the brakes on for a while & take it easy.

Nice post if no ones read it or missed it. The point was good as well as you said it would be, def worth a read.

[JazzFunk]

Wow, haven't checked this thread for a bit, a very personal post there, Thomas. Thanks for sharing. Women are strange things when you are a dumb man (and I think that all men are dumb to a certain degree.) And I agree that we don't all think with our cocks.

I get far further these days not thinking with my cock than when I was younger and only thought about tits & bums & fannies etc., and I don't even try. Weird.

[gunrock]

More support for Messr Vercetti. Thanks for a thoughtful and brave post. Sex should be a healthy part of a relationship, but not be the 'be all and end all' of a relationship past it's first year or so, I reckon.

Work full-time, own your own property and have kids, then see where sex fits in!

[Tankshell]

Well, it's my ex's 21st birthday today.....haven't seen her in about a month now although she has sent me a couple of texts....to which my drunken mates replied with some (at the time comical) comments about knocking before you come in incase I am "in bed with me new bird".

Anyway....should I send her a happy birthday message of some variety u reckon? We were together for a 3 years and were always big on celebrating birthdays.....

[Dirty Sanchez]

I'd give her a ring, wish her HB. Don't send a text, too impersonal.

[EDDIE M0NS00N]

I'm the opposite. I'd say text her.
I dont think u should be too personal as u are not together anymore.
U know its over, so phoning her may open old wounds & u may veer away from the reason u phoned her in the 1st place & end up asking silly questions.
Just remember, youre not celebrating her birthday as a couple anymore.