The Relationship Thread-Good, Bad or Indifferent.

[QualityChimp]

Dude.

I feel really bad for you.

We can give all the autoresponses under the sun: plenty more fish in the sea etc,
but I don't think any of them will help at the moment.

There's definitely a time of "grieving" when a relationship ends, which you really need to do, but at some point you'll need to man-up and move on.

I was dumped by a girlfriend years ago and I got really bitter and it made things awkward for friends having both of us around.

Now I'm married to a superstar of a wife and I look back and laugh at how much time I wasted being bitter - life's too short, pal.

I hope you get your head straight in the next few days and embrace 2010 as a fresh start.

Keep the faith, bro!

EDIT: and read this thread from the start, you'll see lots of others who've been in the same situation and can relate to what you're going through and how they coped.

[MrKirov]

It doesnt help that its been my first "proper" relationship ever.

Im 25, everything ive had up to this point has been a few months, or a fling. This was special to me, she made me want to be a better man. These have been the best two years of my life, and thats not being said out of grief. I truly mean it.

Im trying so hard not to go into self destruct mode right now. So hard.

It deosnt help that it was goign to be out first christmas together properly, so I put so much effort in that I usually dont. Spent hundreds on food and drink, put a tree up, decorated the house, got her loads of pressies. Its all around me right now, and everything is reminding me of her.

Even going for a piss and seeing her make up wipes on the windowsill.

I cant even take a piss without crying.

What the ****.

[EvilBoris]

I feel for you, It'll get better, believe me.

[MrKirov]

And another thing...

Its obviously something she'd been thinking about for a while, but why be normal one minute and melancholy the other? Like on boxing day we went shopping, and she was trying on all these undie sets from la senza, and ended up buying a gorgeous nightie for us, and even tried it on for me the other day.

Yesterday, the day she broke up with me, we had a shower together in the morning, nothing sexual occured, it was just nice, and we did it now and again.

Why ****ing do that if you're going to break up with me!?!?

OVER ****ING CHRISTMAS AS WELL THANKS FOR RUINING EVERY OTHER ****ING CHRISTMAS FOR ME IN THE FUTURE.

[cutmymilk]

A lot of people here have been through similar mate and its a horrible feeling. It sounds like a total idiotic cliche but it will hurt less, day by day, and you will be feeling a lot better in a week. Get some mates together and ask them to keep you busy because theres nothing worse than being alone right now.

[ChrisF]

As Boris has said, it'll get better... honestly. In time, you'll meet someone else who will make you even happier, and you'll look back on this as just a blip.

cutmymilk gives good advice about keeping busy.... and whatever you do, don't go back on the cigarettes. You've done REALLY well staying off them so far and it'd be a shame to see all that hard work go undone.

Things will get better... New year, new start!

[gunrock]

OVER ****ING CHRISTMAS AS WELL THANKS FOR RUINING EVERY OTHER ****ING CHRISTMAS FOR ME IN THE FUTURE.

I broke up with someone I thought I really loved over Christmas many years ago and it was a horrible time, but it doesn't ruin every Christmas. The next few months will hurt like hell, I'm sure, but don't do self-destructive things, that will just make it all worse.

The reason it hurts sooooo much is the first-love thing. By next Christmas you'll be a bit sad at the memory of last Christmas, but ultimately it will just be an ever-more-distant memory.

[MrKirov]

Im currently texting my ex best mate who I havent spoken to in 6 months, we had an argument and ended up moving out, at the time I couldnt see why it had come to it, he clearly didnt think much of her anyway, but put it down to jealousy as he has been single and passive aggressive for years.

Only now am I able to see it but maybe a fair bit was to do with me, So inward about our relationship that in someways, subconciously, nothing else mattered...

I just asked if we could be friends again and his reply was "Dude, if you're ever in trouble, im here" so hopefully I can have my mate back and have someone to talk too...

Just seen a few quotes from earlier in the thread (thanks QualityChimp) and a few of them are really apt here;

the thing with breaking up, the real issue, is your sense of self- esteem. this is the ****ing point. people with a low self-esteem will struggle to recover form a break up not because the relationship was so special, but because we think that our ex is so special, so perfect, that we will never find another girl like her again. ****ing idolizing. the real issue, what people shold take care of is: why the **** am i feeling like this?

Thats exactly how I feel. But the thing is, we were so perfectly matched it ws unreal. I am the type that needs constant assurance of love, and thats something she's always done until recently I suppose...

real love is not about making yourself perfect for your idolized ex girlfriend. real love is about people loving each other despite the annoying things we do, and ****ing moving on. nobody is perfect.

True. When I first got with her, I was gymming heavily and looked really good. I let myself go abit in the past year, and have spent the last 4 months getting back into shape as I was feeling self conscious and worried it might effect us. I dont know why though, as she was always happy with me and always said so.

[cavalcade]

Gutted.

Still. More gaming time now. If you'd done the marriage thing, there would have been a whole lot less.

charlesr, don't ever become a relationship councillor

MrKirov, that sounds terrible. You have my sympathies, awful time of year for it to happen. Anyone you can talk to about it, brothers, other friends apart from the ones you fell out with?

EDIT: Seems you've found someone. Sorry, I missed your last post.

[MrKirov]

This is why im so confused though, if she was so happy up until recently, why leave me? Why did she have to go instead of telling me the problems and us solving them? Not having a proper answer as to why shes left doesnt help.

I keep thinking about things ive said, things ive done, things I should have done diffeently maybe? I dont know what to do, could I have avoided this? Should I be trying to speak to her now and fighting for her?

She took her things last night but only make up and her work top. Shes left some night clothes, pj's and a hair dryer. nothing irreplacable. Im not sure she'll be coming back for them, and im not sure if I could faceher if she did. Shes got some of my dvd's and things as well.

As she was leaving there was her dads electric heater by the door, she was umming and ahhing over taking it, but decided to take it with her. I take it this means she took it as its not hers and thought she had better take it as she wont be coming back?

I really dont know. All I want right now is a cwtch off her. When life got ****, she would be the one I could always turn too. Now shes gone, I just dont know what to do with myself.

[spagmasterswift]

Bitches man, bitches.

[Taka]

I was in almost exactly the same situation as you a number of years ago. The first time you experience real love is intoxicating and I was an absolute mess afterwards. I couldn't do anything without thinking about her. Why she couldn't just talk the problems out with you is stereotypical of women from what I've experienced in all my loves conquered and lost, in that very few like confrontation. It's complete BS that they accuse blokes of not talking about their emotions when we're willing to talk when it counts most.

Cutmymilk's advice gets my thumbs up too. I decided to join a gym and properly work out after I lost my first love, and it really helped in a number of ways. It made me feel and look good, and the endorphines from the exercise helped to combat the feelings of bitterness and dread. Keeping busy with friends is also a great idea because as you've seen yourself, your friends will not leave you even if it appears that they have. Take it as an opportunity to reconnect with people you've lost touch with. I got to know one of my friends so much better that I became the best man at his wedding, which wouldn't have happened otherwise if that ex hadn't have left me.

Chin up, bud. You'll be OK.

[EvilBoris]

This is why im so confused though, if she was so happy up until recently, why leave me? Why did she have to go instead of telling me the problems and us solving them? Not having a proper answer as to why shes left doesnt help.

I keep thinking about things ive said, things ive done, things I should have done diffeently maybe? I dont know what to do, could I have avoided this? Should I be trying to speak to her now and fighting for her?

I went through the exact same feelings and thoughts last year and never got the answers I wanted at the time, it took a little time but soon it started to make more sense to me. Hopefully you'll soon realise that anyone who can leave this way and leave someone feeling like this isn't worthy of being upset over.

[MrKirov]

I was in almost exactly the same situation as you a number of years ago. The first time you experience real love is intoxicating and I was an absolute mess afterwards. I couldn't do anything without thinking about her. Why she couldn't just talk the problems out with you is stereotypical of women from what I've experienced in all my loves conquered and lost, in that very few like confrontation. It's complete BS that they accuse blokes of not talking about their emotions when we're willing to talk when it counts most.

Cutmymilk's advice gets my thumbs up too. I decided to join a gym and properly work out after I lost my first love, and it really helped in a number of ways. It made me feel and look good, and the endorphines from the exercise helped to combat the feelings of bitterness and dread. Keeping busy with friends is also a great idea because as you've seen yourself, your friends will not leave you even if it appears that they have. Take it as an opportunity to reconnect with people you've lost touch with. I got to know one of my friends so much better that I became the best man at his wedding, which wouldn't have happened otherwise if that ex hadn't have left me.

Chin up, bud. You'll be OK.

That entire post is so true its unreal. Thank man, its appreciated. I know I shouldnt but im looking at some of our photos together and just LONGING for her. I want to speak to her but know that I cant....

[MrKirov]

God it hurts. Seemingly posting on this forum is all I can be arsed to do. Got 7 new games sat infront of me cant be arsed to play them.

Including Final Fantasy 7,8 & 9 NTSC PS1, which ive wanted for so many years, and cost so much money. She bought them for me for christmas... I dont think I can even bring myself to look at them.

I was thinking of going out, but I got the car with her, and have so many memories of going everywhere with her, I dont think I can do it, especially to places weve been together.

I just want to text her or email her and tell her to look at this ****ing thread to show her how I feel.