Originally posted by SuperDanX
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Flathead by The Fratellis -
Thanks, thought i hated them? Apparently not.Comment
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This seems such an everyday news story.... until you get to the last two sentences. Genius.
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Happy to see the site's still here
not looking forwards to when it goes. Anyhow had a great haircut today, looks er.. great! Well im happy anyway. Going out tonight and tommorow finally going to see Hot fuzz. Cant wait!
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Have disappeared. How utterly Un-Divalicious!Comment
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The first two images on that 404 page are of Cow-shaped BBQ grilles too, how very aproposOriginally posted by jimmie2k View Post
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Yeah first time i heard them i thought the same but the album is a grower and has some quite catchy tunes on it, give it a listen its not bad.Originally posted by SuperDanX View PostComment
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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY:
What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY:
What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY:
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY:
How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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ATTORNEY:
What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
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ATTORNEY:
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his Sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY:
The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
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ATTORNEY:
Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
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ATTORNEY:
So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Duh.............
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ATTORNEY:
She had three children, right?
WITNESS:
Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
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ATTORNEY:
How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
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ATTORNEY:
Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
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ATTORNEY:
Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition Notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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ATTORNEY:
ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:
Oral.
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ATTORNEY:
Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY:
Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS:
Huh?
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And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you Check for a pulse?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS:
No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY:
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS:
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.Comment
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Snake!? SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE!?
We totally need a new cat thread.Last edited by MattyD; 16-04-2008, 12:44.Comment
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Some wankers broke into my school last night and stole the overhead projectors out of 10 classrooms. They unscrewed most of them but just ripped some from the ceiling. They also emptied my desk and stole some trip money from there. Then they went into my cupboard and threw the school football kit on the floor and used the holdall to carry away a load of the stolen stuff.
When I got to school this morning at 7.45am I had to wait in the staff room for an hour as the police were still finger printing. This gave me about 10 mins to tidy up my room and get everything ready for natinal science day. My invisible ink didn't really work and so far I have taught the same dull lesson to 4 classes. I might just skip doing it with my own class and go and play rounders.
What a day. I have to dress up as a victorian tomorrow as well.Comment
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I take it the trip money will be replaced by insurance even though it was ina draw?
Also post pics of victorian antics!
Also.
lolzComment
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