Today is the summer solstice - er, that's it. Move along.
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yes, thanks for that Marty
I was early for work this morning, decided to stop off at McDonalds for a Bacon Roll, all fine and dandy, opened it up and the bugger had put so much brown sauce in there is was leaking everywhere, so lucky it missed my white shirt by inches but trouser are a write off, ten minutes later and after holding them under the hand dryer they are wearable (sp), what a way to start the day, that'll teach me to be a greedy git.Comment
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You got white trousers on? I'm thinking DavidHolliss is a Miami Vice fan...Comment
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no, charcoal greyish trousers.
White trouser's would clash with my Ginger hair
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Runner
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One
Wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My
husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your
problems!" So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and
jumps out the window!
As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered
He had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he
started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend
In as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who
had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your
Clothes with you under your arm?"
Oh , yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get
Dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you
always wear a condom when you run? "
"Nope.........just when it's raining".Comment
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Ive been playing solitaire on my Ipaq each day on the train home from work, for the last three weeks or so. I only found out today, that the idea was to get rid of the cards into the 4 spaces on the top right, all this time Ive been trying to clear the dealt cards into the stacks below, I thought the 4 slots were just 'storage spaces' for Aces... >_<Comment
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Originally posted by marcus
You plum!Comment
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I walked in on a police drugs raid during my delivery this-morning
And amongst the letters I had to deliver to the house was one of those free newspaper-type things from... the local police force. One of the coppers took the mail for me and started goading the residents with it, saying things like "Ho, ho! if only your postie had been a bit earlier, you might have known we were coming!"
Not sure if I want to go back there tomorrow mind.Comment
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I found out today that the QWERTY keyboard layout was designed in 1860s, and was actually meant to slow down the speed of typists so that the mechanics of the typewriter didnt get jammed by the typist, thats why the keyboard layout is so awkward for most of our most frequently used words. A new layout was developed which allowed for the most common English workds to be typed without ever leaving the home areas, but as it was made in the 1930s it was by then far too far behind QWERTY to take off, hence we have the layout we have got today still.
SO there you go, and thanks PC Pro for that.Comment
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Here're some calls recorded by Tech Support
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...
it's still on my desk... sorry....
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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left
of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal. don't start getting technical on me!
I am not Bill Gates.
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print.
Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted
the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the
computer still says he can't find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah............. thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at
the 7-11.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here.
Ah... that one does work!
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in
apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: Can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a
screen saver on my computer, but every time
I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address,
but how do I get the circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a
problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a
good point. The man sitting in the cubicle
next to me is under a window, and his printer
is working fine."
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And last but not least...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape
keys at the same time. That brings up a task
list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P"..... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!Comment
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some of those cannot be real surely? i didn't laugh at the email one though, that's just cute...Originally posted by DavidHolliss
also this thread should be renamed the david holliss thread
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That looks like it's on the N64.Originally posted by Hasan Hadi
no?Comment
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I must have posted this before but hey ho,
Not for the faint hearted !!!!!!!!!!!!!
A friend sent me this photo of a horrendous traffic accident on the autobahn in Germany.
The picture may be very hard to take for some of you.
If you look closely you can see what appears to be a few survivors of the accident still in the wreckage.
Although the picture is quite graphic, it makes you realise how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us.
My friend stayed on the scene to help, and even though he performed mouth to mouth on as many as he could until he collapsed, none survived.Last edited by VR46; 21-06-2007, 09:32.Comment
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